Ethan Slater’s former wife, Dr. Lilly Jay, has shared how their highly publicized split has impacted her life.
“No one gets married expecting to get divorced … but I truly never thought I’d face it. Especially not shortly after giving birth to my first child, and certainly not amid the public spectacle of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity,” Jay wrote in an essay for The Cut titled “How Does My Divorce Make You Feel?” Published on Thursday, December 19, the essay’s title reflects Jay’s profession as a therapist.
Slater, 32, filed for divorce in July 2023, just a month before their son’s first birthday. That same month, news of Slater’s relationship with his Wicked co-star Ariana Grande became public.
In her essay, Jay acknowledged how difficult it was to see the film’s promotional campaign, given its association with one of the most challenging periods of her life.
“Days with my son are bright. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie tied to the saddest chapter of my life feel darker,” she wrote.
Jay reflected on the growing “distance” between her and Slater during the postpartum period as they juggled new parenthood while he filmed Wicked: Part One, which premiered in November. (Slater met Grande, 31, on the film’s set in December 2022.)
“As a perinatal psychologist, I understood the statistics — how vulnerable marriages are postpartum, how critical community is for preventing depression and anxiety, how becoming new parents reshapes a family dynamic — yet I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and husband to support his career,” she explained.
“Caught up in the enchantment and routine of new motherhood, I failed to notice the growing distance between us.”
When the couple’s divorce became a media sensation, Jay mourned the loss of the privacy she had carefully cultivated for her patients.
She described missing the “invisibility” she had intentionally created in her personal life to maintain professional boundaries.
“Suddenly, strangers knew intimate details about my life, which I never wanted to be fully known by the people I help,” Jay revealed.
After processing this profound shift, Jay sought ways to turn her own struggles into a source of guidance for her patients, who she noted had so far remained silent about her public divorce.
“Perhaps my messy, not-so-private life can serve as a way to connect: a measure of my own loss, anger, helplessness, and sadness that enables me to hold space for theirs,” she wrote.
“Now, knowing what you know, I can assure you with both personal and professional conviction: you are far stronger than you imagine. Many of the qualities you loved most in your partner were reflections of your own goodness. That goodness is yours to keep and carry forward.”
Ending on a hopeful note, Jay shared her optimism for the future. “Although I’ve lost the life I once envisioned with my high school sweetheart, I’ve come to believe that a lifetime of sweetness awaits me and my child,” she wrote.
The psychologist also highlighted the enduring importance of co-parenting with Slater. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. We both deeply love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how we divide our parenting responsibilities,” she emphasized.
Speculation about Slater’s relationship with Grande suggested he had been unfaithful to Jay, though both Slater and Grande have denied this narrative.
“It’s incredibly painful to see people who know nothing about the situation making comments, speculating, and then misrepresenting the people you care about,” Slater told in an October interview.
Grande also addressed the controversy in a September interview, expressing her disappointment.
